Well as of today the news received that the contract opportunities I had been waiting on fell through or at least were NOT what I was being told for the last 9 months. But in truth, I'm out of time and OUT of money or about to be. So as of the beginning of May I will be relocating to my parents home in Sacramento. I had planned this back in 2010 but luck had it lots of freelance work came my way and kept me in SD which led to the full time gig I lost last summer with the hopes of follow on work. I should have bailed then. I'm highly depressed by all this and the decision that I have to do this. But to tell the truth. Without a job, being here is a pipe dream as I no longer have the adequate skill set to be competitive in the shrinking market here. The Crash of 08 did no one any favors in the job market. Well at 52 and being in this shape is just the most vile thing I can feel right now. But what's worst is all that I have come to hold as important for the many decades of my life really has no value now. I have always been self conscious about my art or even having better opportunities to advance it in my youth, let alone my adulthood. I've wasted a lot of years chasing things or ideals that were a lie or just plain bullshit. I gave myself to the "MAN's" system and it ate me up little by little over the last 30 years. I'm burned out and my old dreams seems so far away now. I have fewer years ahead of me than behind. Lots of you guys have and are still doing some amazing things. I really respect and admire that, I just wished I could find the magic in me again, maybe I will. So with this relocation I will consider it a sabbatical of sorts, a reinvention perhaps. I will be online still (as I get there and set up). I will be doing lots of EBay auctions to generate revenue, maybe a freelance job or two as well. Who knows. I will also be taking care of my ailing parents as well. My Mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and my Dad is just getting worst. As much as they've caused me great pain over the good years of my life I have to go and offer my support of them in their final years. So here's to my SD time, Don't want to go and I don't know what the future will bring me now but regardless I have to go.
24 comments:
Jimmy, dang sorry to read all this. I was really hoping that job would come through. You're right to take a breath while you assess your options and not let the situation overwhelm you...I like your description of it as a sabbatical. But still, really sorry to hear this. I'll be keeping fingers crossed something comes along to give you a reprieve.
Thanks Marty, I appreciate it. Your a better man than I Gunga Din....I really mean that.
The problem with the so called work. It's still in the bid process and the location MAY or MAY NOT be in SD. I just keep getting this LOTS of work thing coming....but I've waited long enough on an empty promise and I can't plan around a iffy promise.
Sorry to hear of all that's happened to you, Jim and I am also terribly disappointed your job plans didn't come together in a timely way or in the manner for which you had hoped. It is genuinely a difficult time in just about all industries - visual arts have been hammered particularly hard. I am concerned about the future too - not sure where things go from here or how things can bottom out more than they already have.
The silver lining to all of this is that now you don't need to try and toe anybody's line...now is the best time to do the work you want to do..the work you really care about. If you can find a way to survive, then you are now free to focus purely on the things that bring you joy. We all got into art for various reasons, but I have a feeling the love and magic of creation is the thing that hooked every one of us. That is something that will always be there for you. Careers and jobs come and go as do the money and illusion of stability, but art and creativity are timeless and have value that transcends money. Hope you find your footing and do not abandon your craft. Do not lose hope!
I too am sorry to hear that things haven't worked out for you Jim, and especially sad to hear that you are feeling so disillusioned about your art. But I think you have the right attitude about this being a chance to re-invent yourself, and I hope you will return from this "sabbatical" with a new direction and purpose. Glad we will still hear from you on TAG. Don't lose contact!
I've shared my thoughts on FB and I'll share them here as well... you must know by now that you have a lot of people pulling for you. I agree with the others that the "sabbatical" way of looking at this is healthy. Hang in there, Sir!
Whats worse is that I have been a worker bee towing the man's line all these years. I've been conditioned to play his game and feel lost when I'm not playing. Pretty sick thought when you think about it. I just wished that I figured it out 20 years ago, maybe things would be different now. I still need to resolve my insatiable disease of obtaining things. Not like I need any more. Sold off a lot in the past years to help shoulder the burden but now I'm getting down to the GOOD stuff. That starts worrying me. Another issue of letting go that is going to take a lot of doing on my part.
It may clear your head a bit to get out. For one thing, you don't realize how heavy the anxiety of losing everything is until you really do lose everything.
In a couple of months you may think, glad that happened. It was overdue. The "now what" may become interesting as a project.
Still sucks. I hope your move causes you less stress than mine caused me.
I can promise you that you'll long to be back in San Diego and that area. That won't go away. I want to go back every day.
Yes, Stress and anxiety is the worst part but going home has many ghosts. I will not have the room that I'm use to. But what's worst is just living in that town. It really is abominable. A shadow of it's former self. I'll be spending lots of time on the net.
OR, today you could put everyone of your beloved, valuable models on ebay and get every bit of that money (lots of money) and then look at some sort of diminished job option and putt along and hope for an American resurgence.
Or a way to plug yourself into the Gov sector where the money is still great.
But the models are nothing. You'll realize they are just a burden when you have to move them and worry about theft and damage every moment you have them on wheels.
Take gorgeous pictures of the last ones, do a digital blog archive of the horrible day you decided to part with them.
And then if you do move in 6 months, those don't have to be packed. It would also be fun to decide "OK. I get to keep ONE." Which one would it be?
That's the hard part. The logistics of moving and WHERE am I going to put it.
I thought I couldn't give up my books. Until they were lying in a heap at the back door loading dock of the Culver City library.
The money will be easier to make from your current home base. Make that big decision now. Load up with some cash.
And also ditch the books. You can't sell them and they're heavy as hell. You won't miss them. I'd like to visit my old books. But I don't want to own them again.
I've already paired down the books a lot but there is a few I can part with
A well put but bummer of a blog. Sorry to see that you had to make the decision to move, but making decisions at least, gives you some control.
I know how it is to feel socked in the gut when you've become uncompetitive in a market when just yesterday things were just fine.
Well, today I had lunch with my old boss and got the skinny. San Diego is dead at this time for certain kinds of work. Too much competition for what's left or available. Like I said, This one job is still a maybe or maybe NOT and may not have anything that fits my bill. I've been strung along with false hope on this for months while trying to find work elsewhere too. Good thing is he has contacts in and around Sac. So I passed my rez on and he says he will personally deliver it to them. Maybe something will come of that. Also has contacts at the AFB in Davis down the road. That would be sweet if I can get something there. Time will tell.
Like Alec Baldwin's character says in 30 Rock "Lemon, money doesn't buy happiness. Money is happiness"
Or you could get some exposure
You may end up like me. Doing the jobs Americans won't do.
Look in actual newspaper want ads. These are ads that employers want to actually fill, quickly. The job listing site ads and social media contact applications are good for adding your name to long rosters of applicants on A list jobs. The newspaper want ads are "we need help now."
Be a shuttle driver for Avis , San Diego airport. I guarantee you'd like it.
Um. I'm leaving San Diego. The urgency with my folks went up as of yesterday. Very stressed right now
Sorry to hear that. I empathize. Parents being elderly and poor health is awful on the kids.
my unsolicited advice is to get plugged in as soon as you get there. Seek out artist groups like TAG and like Ellis' comic group. Knowing what you want to do and checking out the market helps, too, of course. Knowing people, though, is a more direct way to tap into the job market.
Are you talking about Travis AFB?
Yes Rick, Travis AFB
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